Contact Me

This is a picture of me. If you can't see it, I feel sorry for you. It's an amazing visage to behold.

This is the Contact page, so it’s probably a good place to send me a message. It doesn’t have to be about the blog, either. Maybe you know of a pending alien invasion and want to give me a heads-up to build a bunker. Or you have some amazingly bad puns. Could be you have some tips on tonight’s horse race. You might want to send some great mock apple pie recipes, which would be a complete waste of time because I burn toast.

Or maybe you’re INXS and want me to be your new lead singer on a world tour. I could do that. If you’ve ever seen my “Dancing in My Boxers” video series, you know I have the moves. They’re still that good. Actually, my moves are exactly the same as they were 10 years ago since I haven’t evolved in any dance manner whatsoever since.

Or perhaps you just want to send me presents and money. That’s actually the smartest choice for both of us, really. See, I get money and gifts, so that’s a win. And you get moved to the top of the list to interact with me, so that’s a win for you, especially when it’s time to send me more presents.

I also write things. I used to write instruction manuals and human resource guides, but that killed my soul to death. So I ran away with a troupe of feral mimes who encouraged me to pursue my true love: miniature decoupage. Naturally, that led to me writing humor. I wrote daily for my humor blog, SecondHand Tryptophan, in its first iteration (until I stopped for a bit and it got hacked). I wrote many guest posts for different blogs, I’ve written weekly columns for newspapers, contributed regularly to a number of sites, including satire and humor websites, and my grocery lists are legendary.

Regardless, put your stuff in the little boxes below and it’ll reach me.